Splash.
"Oh shit..."
Leaving the comfort of Jeff and our blanket, my feet are making long strides before I'm even capable of making my brain understand why. The planks of the dock disappearing one at a time beneath me. Without my glasses, all I can make out in the darkness are two blobs of light color silhouetted against the dark water. One of those blurs, is moving quickly towards the end of the dock. As I reach the last plank I dive into the water covering half the distance I need to reach Kyle, the other farther out in the murkiness, splashing about and screaming into the cool night air. Breaking the surface of the water my mind fully catches up to what is going on, only to be hindered by the severe cold of the water. I start to go into shock, I can feel it all too quickly, or rather I begin to not feel. My hands and legs are no longer connected to me. I begin flailing about, trying to swim, trying to keep my core warm. I yell out to him, "Kyle! Come back! Please just come on, get out the water, you can do whatever once you are out!" His reply is simple, "Fuck you!" Those two words shock me more than the temperature; The anger that flares up from his response provides an energy I hadn't thought possible. Making my way over to him, I grab his arm and literally drag him to the dock. He's reduced to tears and puts up no resistance, the cold finally immobilizing him. Upon reaching the dock we are faced with a dilemma; it's a good foot and half over my head and Kyle is not in any state to help either of us. I'm able to boost Kyle up onto the dock and he collapses, hitting the wood with a sickening thud. I'm trying to pull myself up now, only to find I am not at all capable of doing so. I'm too weak and cold, my hoodie pulling me down into the water with each feeble attempt. The current begins to pull me under the dock, into the dark. In my head the thought occurs to me, "Oh, how ironic, he tries to drown himself and here I am getting ready to do so, completely against my will...great." Jeff and Seth, the other blur in the water, come running to the end of the dock I see them with towels and blankets. I loose grip and begin to slip under. My eyes shut, I'm ready to ride this out, ready to go under. Suddenly I feel a sharp tugging at my back. Jeff hoists me out the water and onto the dock, using the belt loop on the very back of my jeans. The only thought racing through my head, "Wow...I figured my belt loop would've snapped for sure." I hit the deck, jarring me back to coherence. Kyle is laying beside me, shivering. Seth and Jeff are doing their best to wrap him up and get him warm. I try to persuade him to strip down and get out of his wet clothes but he wont reply, he just keeps crying. I begin yelling at him trying to get him to get inside, something, anything. He cant stay out in the cold. "Fuck you!" leaves his shaking lips. And I scream it back at him, hoping those words will pierce him like they did me. It does nothing. I give up, I'm pissed and beyond sad. I leave him at the end of the dock with Seth and Jeff. Yelling behind me, "You can forget about our friendship, forget everything, cause obviously none of it fucking matters!" Shivering, I pull my sopping wet hoodie over my head and throw it to the ground. I'm done with being strong. Fuck him. That's all that floods through my mind, as the cabin door slams behind me. I make it ten feet before I fall onto the floor crying. Seconds, maybe minutes pass before Jeff runs into the cabin, he's saying stuff, none of it I can comprehend so I just lay there and watch him. He wraps me in his blanket before running back outside again. I lay there for a while longer, until I realize that I am soaking his blanket. I'm still wearing all my wet clothes, shivering on the floor. Getting up is difficult, but I can manage it. The stairs provide the more difficult challenge. However, I make it up to the bedroom, only falling a few times. The effort it takes to get up there surprises me, I lay on the floor and fall asleep. For how long I lay there sleeping I don't know, but upon waking I can hear Kyle and Jeff talking. They can't find me. Kyle has sobered up a considerable amount and is now worried about making me mad. Still in my wet clothes, I grab a blanket and maneuver my way down the narrow steps, not falling once. They don't notice me in the room until I am sitting in the chair right beside them. Jeff seems slightly relieved to see me. Kyle starts crying and trying to apologize between shivering and sobs. Seth sits there silently seemingly soaking in everything that is going on, but showing no outward emotions. I do my best to console Kyle. I let him know I'm not that mad at him, I'm just upset, everything is alright. We spend the rest of the night talking. All of us attempt to help one another, most importantly Kyle.

The night was frightening. It was needed. It brought us all a little closer. It fixed some problems for a couple of us. And well, I'm thankful it happened.

I love those guys, and I hope they all know just how much they mean to me. I don't want to lose any of them, ever. I just want them to live happy lives, even though that has become such a hard task to accomplish.